Today

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...Is My Friend Gail's Birthday

That's how I like to think of September 11th, but I can't help thinking of it in more macabre terms, being far from where we typically live -- about 12 miles away from Manhattan. Pat told me that she saw on TV that it's raining in New York City today.

"Good," I said, "that it's not a picture-perfect day, like it was six years ago."

Pat continued, "During the news, they interviewed some Americans, who were saying, 'People from other countries just don't understand how difficult this day is for us,' and I thought, 'No, they're thinking, now you know how we feel -- we, who've had terrorism in our countries for years.'"

At work earlier, I thought: Yes, I'll tell my whole story, if anyone asks, "Were you in New York City on September 11th?" In fact, I was working there that day, but at the IBM building at 57th and Madison Ave., rather than downtown; yet, I tasted a bit of the day's nightmare.

No one asked. No one even seemed even to notice the date. I guess Pat had a point! Or maybe they were being polite and not bringing it up?

Survivor's Rut

I remember when our neighbor fell through a glass door and cut his face this past Spring. When I saw him, I did not ask him to recount how it happened, as I knew that he'd have to re-live it in order to narrate it. That seemed too cruel. My insight came because I had that re-living sensation after a car accident during an ice storm this past April; so many concerned people asked me to detail it for them. I could have gotten past it more quickly, if I hadn't had to keep narrating it.

Same thing with September 11th. If anyone in India had asked for my story, I'd have offered it, but it would have taken a toll.

And I think of a colleague here, who's also on assignment for another company, for whom that bridge in Minnesota that fell several weeks ago was part of her daily commute; if she hadn't been here, and had been on that bridge instead that day....

Life is Good While It Lasts

Leaving dinner at the clubhouse tonight with Pat, I thought about a different loss that we transformed into opportunities for other adventures. More than the anniversary of September 11th, by dessert, I was thinking about it being the four-year anniversary of my deciding to stop trying to become pregnant; by the time I was 38, I had tried IUI via an anonymous donor nine times over 1.5 years.

God had other plans. Finally, on Rosh Hashanah four years ago, I faced that I wanted to stop trying. If we had had a child, I do not believe we'd have had the wherewithal for me to take this assignment, and for Pat to accompany me.

Speaking of Rosh Hashanah, it's time to pack for our trip tomorrow.

Please God, let 5768 be a year of good health for our loved ones and us. Amen.