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Putting a Brave Face On It
This is the first day I've put on makeup since my mom (z"l) died on June 4th:
Pat said, "You look like your mother. At first, I thought that was a younger picture of your mother."
It has been 13 weeks since my last haircut. At first, I was honoring Shloshim, but now, I have three reasons for not cutting my hair:
- When it's longer, it's wavier and my mom's (z"l) hair was wavy; it's a way of hanging onto her.
- I feel young in my grief, not youthful, but like a teen again, like I was when my dad (z"l) died and my hair was longer then, too.
- The longer my hair is, the more vulnerable I feel for whatever gender-stereotype reasons and it makes sense to me that my outside should match the way I feel inside these days.
This picture is not flattering, I know, but it's really how things are right now and I felt like documenting this time.