The postings on this site are my own and don’t necessarily represent IBM’s positions, strategies or opinions.
The Man Who Makes My Daily Commute Possible
"If it's not too personal," he asked tonight, during a particularly congested ride, "Are you married or single? Do you have children?" This is our third week of spending traffic jams together, and while I'm at work, he sometimes gives rides to Pat, who is my "friend" for his purposes.
Pause. "I don't have a husband and I didn't manage to have children...but I do have fantastic nephews and an amazing niece."
Yesterday, he told me that he may not be able to keep being my driver at the end of the month, when they give him a new car to drive.
It amazed me how crest-fallen I felt. His company was among the more stable experiences I've had since our arrival.
Tonight, when he asked his personal question, I thought afterwards, What if I told him the full truth? Wouldn't I feel more comfortable, driving with him, knowing he knew me in all my humanity and still enjoyed driving me around? Or if he didn't want to drive me after he knew, wouldn't I prefer knowing that?
And yet, I told him that my mom will be 82 in November, God willing, and that I imagine that in Indian culture, no child would ever leave a parent of that age to go away for six months. He agreed that that's true, and yet, he didn't throw me out of the car.
Part of me wants to be cynical and say that my rupees are as good as anyone's, i.e., a rupee's a rupee, but another part of me wants to believe that he likes me despite my neglect of my mother. Would he like me, and "Miss Pat," if he knew we were a couple? Could he fathom our couplehood? Has he known from the start? Is he clueless?
Why am I feeling free to write about him, considering he could read this blog if he felt like logging onto the web and doing a Google search on me? I suppose I wish he would and make it easier for me.
He's deeply Catholic in a country that I've read does not understand or accept lesbianism, Ishita's liberal loveliness notwithstanding. Of course, I come from a land that also does not accept lesbianism, but I'm still openly me there. I thought about that earlier today and decided that the difference is that the United States is my native land and here, I'm a guest, who doesn't want to feel unwelcome.
I don't want to frustrate wonderful people like Ishita with my anxieties, and I hope she doesn't feel a need to reassure me again; I'll just re-read her generous comment from the other day.
What sort of conversations, I wonder, are other assignees having with the men who drive them to and from work daily?
6 comments:
I very much understand the need for you to be more comfortable and be yourself and proud about your relationship.For me coming out to Indian friends were easier than coming out here as I am also an indian. But I felt it was tough for me to be out when I was in south carolina. I guess it will be the same situation for you there in India. My advise is not to as I dont know the person but you know the best. When me and Don were in the kumarakom house boat, our cook advised many times to get married. He was very much catholic and I didnt want to take the risk of coming out for being comfortable. My thoughts.
Deepak, thanks for your input. It's so disorienting to be thinking like this again in my lifetime....I wanted to be done with any hiding of my identity, but I need to keep reminding myself that not only for personal safety, but also out of respect for the norms of the society I'm being hosted by, I need not to tell.
I'm reminded of a well-meaning American friend and colleague, who wrote to me recently: "...a word of caution.
You are in a very different part of the world. I suspect in Bangalore, you are okay. and certainly within the business community of IBM.
But if you travel much outside the city and certainly outside of India...realize that there are groups that would be very, maybe violently, opposed to you being Jewish (most of all) and a lesbian--not to mention American....Have a great time but be safe and cautious....I'm proud to have been in the Army but I don't advertise it when I am outside of the US."
Your friend is absolutely right. That is the reason most of the people like to be in their home country. But Bangalore will be nice to you expecially the educated. Even though Bangalore is not my actual home, I use to call it home 3 years back as everyone is welcome there.
Sarah...i would like to ask you a polite question. What do you first notice in a stranger when you first meet him/ her ? What do you like to know about other person on second time, third time.
At very basic level, irrespective of position, authority, nationality, sexual orientation, profession, these all are just labels. When we meet another someone, all i want to know is - Is he/she essentially a good HUMAN BEING ? It stands TRUE where-ever you go in world. Just a thought...
Ruchi, I celebrate the spirit of what you're saying, i.e., what matters most is whether or not someone is a mensch (Yiddish for good person).
For me, acknowledging someone's humanity always means acknowledging their difference along with any common ground, e.g., gender, race, sexual orientation, religion....I see these things as more than labels, and rather, as core-identities....Reminds me of a colleague I work with who prefer to be known as a Distinguished Engineer, who just happens to be female. Personally, I prefer to be known in all my humanity. It's all primary for me. Thanks for the dialogue.
Thank you for sharing your perspective..I would spend more time to ponder over your perspective ( Core - identity ) which makes me think ...
Does our outer or core ( belief ) get influenced through dialogue ?
Hmmm....
Post a Comment