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Near 14th Street in the Village, I saw a woman sobbing as she looked at our synagogue's parade banner and the huge contingent of us, marching along with the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC). She was shaking and tears streamed down her face. Her mascara was getting wrecked.
She was in her early-20s and pretty, with long, wavy, sandy-blond hair. There was a taller, attractive woman, standing behind her, holding her. If I had passed her in, say, the Short Hills Mall, I wouldn't have picked her as a member of the LGBT community, though probably wouldn't have been surprised that she was Jewish. She reminded me of a late-adolescent version of my niece's female classmates.
Excusing myself from my fellow-marchers, including Pat, I walked back over to her. Not yet knowing what I would say to comfort her, I just held out my hand to shake hers.
My sunglasses shaded my eyes and I wished I had removed them, so that we would have made full eye-contact. Still, I found something to say: "I went to a [Modern Orthodox Jewish] day school [and I imagine you must have done so, too]."
"I *teach* at a day school," she said.
Oy, no wonder she was in pain. She was at the parade with her girlfriend, but likely was not able to be herself in all her humanity at the day school because perhaps she feared losing her job if she were.
I held her hand for long enough to feel that mine was warmer from the heat of marching, and that she was glad to have the contact from someone who was openly lesbian and openly Jewish at once.
It's my hope that my face had a compassionate expression when I shook her hand further and said, "Be well. Zay gezunt (Be healthy)."
It would be wonderful if she were moved to say the Shehecheyanu prayer in honor of today, and ultimately could feel peace.
One of the terrific songs that both of our choruses sang together as we marched down Fifth Avenue was, "Od yavo shalom aleinu...v'al kulam (Peace will yet come to us...and to everyone)."
This year, we marched together with MCC, as our rabbi and MCC's reverend both were chosen to be grand marshalls of the parade. The crowd loved our unity. My ears still hear their cheering.
How have you reconciled, or how are you reconciling, elements of your complex identity?
6 comments:
Hi Sarah,
Thank you so much for the hello on my blog, and for the nice words :) I sincerely look forward to reading your blog, especially as you and Pat get to travel to new and exciting places!
Wishing you both the best, and safe travels,
Dena
Dena, thanks for your good wishes. By the way, your aunt sounded great in the synagogue chorus this weekend, as usual.
I still believe that to go back to teaching at a day school I would have to keep half of my life hidden away. I tried to live like that for a year, and the impact it had on my health was too huge to ignore. I wouldn't be able to go back into that fractioned life, but I still feel that the teacher part in me is still missing.
Did you mean a Jewish day school -- or any day school? Depending on where a teacher is teaching in the world, I suppose being openly lesbian is job-threatening, but particularly, in a religious school setting, like the one in which I was educated for eight years, I would not have been able to have such a teacher....I thought about it later and wished I had told the woman, "I wish I could have had a teacher like you, growing up, so that I could have had a positive role model, rather than feeling so alone in my identity."
Hi Sarah,
I came across your blog and was moved by this posting. I just wanted to let you/folks who visit your blog about a documentary film that deals exactly with this issue of being out in a Jewish day school -- it's called Hineini: Coming Out in a Jewish High School. There is a trailer online if you are interested:
http://www.boston-keshet.org/film/
Full disclosure - I am the associate producer of the film. If you'd like more info, there is an email address on the site.
Thanks for your writing,
Bonnie
Bonnie, I shook your hand, perhaps, at the screening in NYC last year -- can't recall where it was -- and also that of the student featured in the film. Pat and I loved it! Thanks for bringing the courageous story globally to light!
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