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Today's the Day
Would I ever have imagined I'd be online on Yom Kippur? Growing up, I never imagined spending Yom Kippur in India, or that there would be the phenomenon of blogging.
Here I am.
Earlier this week, a friend shared amazement that we "...made it out of" our Modern Orthodox Jewish day school with "...fewer complexes" than we should have. It is a pretty big test of that thesis -- for me to be blogging, rather than praying and fasting today.
Due to my otosclerosis (the more serious inner-ear variety, which no hearing aid can help, if it comes to my going deaf, God forbid), my doctor has forbidden me to fast, since 2004, and so I've had three years to get over that transgression. Not being in synagogue, praying, though, is completely novel -- a first, I think.
(This is too much pride probably, especially for a day like today, but I feel the need to say that my hearing, meanwhile, is perfect. The otosclerosis was diagnosed in 2004 due to a sudden and temporary, 60% hearing loss in my left ear...so if you wake up or notice that any of your hearing seems suddenly to be gone, please don't wait. Go immediately to the doctor, as I did; he put me on steroids and the hearing popped back, miraculously, after 10 days -- often, it doesn't.)
Please Accept My Apology
Over the past week, I've apologized to my loved ones for however I might have hurt them in the past year and I'll offer the same apology here, for anyone who knows me, who I might have missed:
If I have hurt you either wittingly or unwittingly in the past year, please forgive me.
2 comments:
Rarly, dear. I also hope you will forgive me any hurt of commission or ommission this year. I have to say again, what a huge mitzvah it was that you jumped on a plane to come to my mom's funeral. It was so good to see you again after so long, and your presence was so supportive and comforting.
Here i am online on Erev YK too...no doctor's orders here, but my own sort of multidisciplinary view on ritual -
I think about the point or the spiritual and practical purpose of ritual, i.e. the spirit rather than the letter of the law. I don't think it matters particularly that we 'don't-eat-a-thing'. I think it matters that we're aware and mindful, that we undergo the inner and relational processes of the holiday. One can tap into that experience by doing some kind of choiceful restriction around food - so maybe sticking to simple food, or small portions, or eating very mindfully, or some other practice that makes you not take nourishment/abundance for granted, be aware of the conditions of other beings, choose to endure discomfort in the service of growth, be still and self-examine, etc. (wouldn't i make a crappy fundamentalist? ;)
I don't think you've been eating mindlessly anyway, and being in India you're constantly being reminded about issues of privilege... so it's an interesting question - if you look at the Yom Kippur fast as metaphorical rather than literal, you can come up with a way that works for your current situation to undergo that process.
This year i've decided to do a liquid fast - so i'm reminded that i'm not just putting whatever i feel like in my mouth for fun. Each year is very different for me, what feels appropriate and/or possible. I think being part of a community makes a huge difference too, and i'm not an active participant in a Jewish community here, where to withdraw from a community ritual would be a whole other thing than to fail to seek one out.
In some ways i feel like this whole summer has been an intense process of self-reflection and examination, and so in a way, ramping it up for 24 hours doesn't quite seem called for this year.
Hopefully there are happier, easier years ahead in which sombering up for a day to be mindful of suffering and the need for atonement and forgiveness will be really necessary. This year they seem to be an almost constant companion, as i chew hard on my mom's life and her challenges that i am carrying on in my own.
Anyway my point was that you can go/are going/have gone through the spiritual process of Yom Kippur or any holiday, in your own way if need be, or if you so choose, and i think G-d cares a lot about how we treat one another and our spiritual development and awareness. You can do the details strictly and totally miss the point.
Well. A sweet year to you, dear old friend.
Love,
Marn
Dear, dear Marni, your mom, who was always such a champion of our Jewish identity, would be/is happy, I think, that we're having a spiritual exchange today.
Thanks for your reflections, which inspire me to be further reflective.
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